My Prince, with tissues, tears, and a smile

I dreamed about him for years.  Vague glimpses into a future, where I knew he would someday meet me, were so welcome.  Any scenarios put forth in life or movies, would be absorbed into my hopes and catalogued away.  I would think, yes, if it were to happen like that for me, that would be a great thing.

The Lord brought him into my world on a most unexpected Friday; just the description of him caused flutters in my heart. After meeting a few weeks later, I knew that I had spent time with a man of such character that my dreams may not have done him justice.  I was taken with him, right off, and through the Lord's careful direction and timing, we became man and wife eight months later.

Fast?  Many would have assuredly told you that and maybe questioned our timing.  Our parents stood behind us, our love in front of us, and the Lord choreographing every step above us.  You see, He had to bring us together, because the time was fast approaching when I would need my man in the worst ways imaginable.

People always say that first year of marriage is the hardest, I guess it is because of all of the adjustments and such.  It wasn't that way for us, in our own little home.  It was as if we had been waiting our whole lives to meet up with thae twin soul created for us. When we were brought together, it was the most natural of occurences.  Days passed into weeks, and we were in awe of how fun, simple, and overwhelmingly right life together could be. 

We had been married just shy of 9 months when we lost Todd.  Newlyweds to the fullest definition of the word.  We knew each other, yet struggling through the suffocating waters of tragedy was not a path we had  taken until that time.  As we drove those 9 hours to NY, to the inevitable goodbyes to my brother, I sat in the back seat.  With each mile, we were leaving further behind that carefree soul I had been.  Heartache, heartbreak, and intense sorrow was quickly filling my heart.   How could we face such a traumatic time?  How could we bear it?

The Lord knew before we even met, that He would be holding us through those dark days.  He knew I needed a strong man.  A man who understood emotions that couldn't be put into words.  A man who can hurt alongside those that are hurting.  A man to hold me up when my legs could no longer do the job. A man to wipe the tears away that just would not stop coarsing down my cheeks.  A man who would sit with my family, for days,  feeling pain with us.  A man who loved my brother as much as he could in the short time that he was given with him.  A man  who would mourn with us the loss of years of life and shattered dreams.  A man to grieve with me.  A man who would tell me that he would be there, no matter what I was able to offer him.  A man who would love me, when there was only agony to hold.

He stayed in NY as long as he could, and then came on home to live our lives.  He left me with my parents, understanding that we needed each other desparately for a unspoken amount of time.  He loved me from the miles and waited until he could open his arms to me again.

I was scared to come back home. I knew that I hadn't made deep friendships yet.  Who was going to come check on me?  Call to see if the day went ok?  I remember telling my childhood pastor my fears for returning home.  I told him that Kevin would have to be my everything, and that I didn't think a husband should have to play every roll.  Kevin had assured me time and again that he was there for me, in whatever way I needed.  My pastor said to me, "Tara, let him take care of you. Let him support you in all the ways that he can. He is willing to, let him do it."

Those words burned into my heart and came back to me time and again.  Kevin has been my man through it all. He has loved me when I was upset. He has loved me when the tears choked out any words.  He has loved me when my dreams have haunted me and I awake numb to the world.  He has loved me through my inability to participate in gatherings that had once been routine.  He hasn't rushed me through the grief.  He has listened with a heart prepared by our Lord. 

The Lord knew the man I needed.  He knew when I needed him as well.  Sure, I wish that we could have met sooner, but I am so thankful that he brought us together when he did.  For he gave our family almost nine months together as a family of six.  The Lord has His own plan, in His own time, in His way.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
            declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

I cannot question; I can only thank the Lord for His provision.  He gave me a husband that loves me with a love greater than I can imagine.  A man who has been my rock and my comfort through truly the darkest days of life.  A man who has been able to make me laugh, who has whisked me away from the pressures to places where sunshine and happiness rained over us.  He gave me a man that I could not have even imagined I would need. I am so thankful for a Lord who knows our deepest needs, before we often face them, and sends to us the provisions to carry us through.