If I could, I would skip Christmas. The grief that is my daily companion takes on the fiercest of feelings in these days around the Holidays. The traditions that were treasured and held so close to our hearts, are now merely haunting reminders that we are not a complete family anymore. Todd loved Christmas. He took great joy in giving.
Do you like it? Is it the right size? Mom said you would like this, do you really? I saw these, and I thought they were neat, so I got you some. I wasn't sure if you have one of these, but I do, and I love them. I thought you might also.
His generous heart was so huge. I know that we aren't to value things, but there is a certain precious quality to items around my home these days. Presents from Todd in years gone by, hold sacred memories of words exhanged on our most special of family holidays.
He would devour the Christmas morning breakfast casserole in a rare display of strong eating.
Man, this is good. You should make this more often, he'd say through bites.
He was always was the first of us kids to be up on Christmas day. That never wavered as we got older. Chad and I are the biggest sleepers, and he always liked to embrace the morning. It was his face and voice that would so often usher in our Christmas celebrations.
For these memories and more unspoken, I would like to skip Christmas. You see, sometimes the pain of missing him is so great on a regular old Monday afternoon, that I don't really want to invite moments that will just magnify that ache.
But the Lord sent me a precious thought a few weeks ago as I sat listening to our Christmas program at church. If it wasn't for Christmas, I would never see Todd again. My hope of a reunion with him in Heaven would be nonexistent. The greatest source of comfort that I cling to, would no longer be available.
If I skipped Christmas, I would be skipping the very reason we have comfort and hope in our darkest moments.
Jesus may have wanted to skip that first Christmas so long ago in Bethlehem. Would it have been a very appealing thought to him? He would have contemplated that it was soon time to come to Earth. He was going to leave his home in Heaven, with his Father, God, and come to this Earth to be born in a stable. He would grow up, start his ministry here on Earth, and then ulitmately die a horrible and cruel death on the Cross. He would die to take the place of each of us, who have sinnned and lost the ability to enter into Heaven. His death would be a sacrifice for us, our way to be forgiven and to renew a relationship with God.
If Jesus didn't skip Christmas, knowing the hardness of his 33 years of life on this Earth and His own horrible death, then I cannot skip Christmas either. My concerns and hurts fade in the light of His incredible sacrifice for us.
Jesus did not skip Christmas, instead He came and made a way for each of us to accept and believe on a Father in Heaven. His death became our way of eternal life. His coming is what gives us the secure hope of seeing my brother again.
I know that Todd believed, and is right now preparing to celebrate Christmas with Jesus and all of our loved ones that have gone on ahead of us. I know this will be his best Christmas ever. I also know that someday, because we have Christmas and a Savior, I am going to celebrate again with him in Heaven.
